All the Time in the World
Thursday, March 21, will mark the 34th anniversary of our son Tyler’s sudden death. He was only nineteen months old.
I awoke that beautiful, first-day-of-spring morning in 1985 and left for work as Jeanine, Ben, and Tyler slept (our normal routine). At 9 a,m. I was called to the Rochester St. Marys Hospital emergency room. When Jeanine had not been able to wake Tyler, she rushed him there, and he would never regain consciousness. He may have died from Reyes Syndrome. We’ll never know.
The night before, I bought the Phil Collins’ album No Jacket Required. I came home and played my favorite song from it—One More Night—several times. Though I had no clue, it forewarned me that our last night with Tyler was about to be. I still have the album, but I’ve not played the song since that night. Following Tyler’s death, when I heard One More Night on the radio, I quickly changed stations.
Losing a child puts you in a lonely place. Most people care deeply for you, but they don’t want to talk much about it. It’s such a painful topic for all involved. Several years ago, Jeanine and I attended a performance by Iowa City folksinger Dave Moore. One of his songs, All the Time in the World, touched me deeply. As I listened to the lyrics, I knew that Dave had lost a child, too. At the break, I introduced myself to Dave and told him how much that song meant to me and why. He and I both knew too well that dark place where parents who have lost children go. In 2010, he sang at our backyard concert (Folk Fest), and stayed overnight as our guest.
Life is not fair. I was reminded long ago in 1985 to never think we’ll have all the time in the world with those we love. I would give anything to have Tyler back, if only for one more night.
All the Time in the World (From Dave Moore’s Album Breaking Down to 3)
Link to iTunes
Hey little girl, I know I don’t talk much to you
Under the stars up by the river, looking up like I used to do
But tonight I need to talk, I’m gonna take a little walk
Like we’ve got all the time in the world.
You know your sister’s found a big heart strong and true
And if you could have stuck around, I know she would have been there for you
And when she held you and gave you a bath, she didn’t know she you didn’t have
All the time in the world.
Your mother’s love remains, in fact it grows
She misses you in ways I’ll never know
And me I’m trying to be true, because I learned from you
There ain’t all the time in the world.
I had a dream last night, you were running on legs like mine
You had your mother’s moves, half wild half shy
You had your grandma’s young red hair, maybe you know each other there
And you’ve got all the time in the world,
Hey little girl, I know don’t talk much to you
Under the stars up by the river, looking up like I used to do
But tonight I need to talk, I’m gonna take a little walk
Like we’ve got all the time in the world.